Festive Birthdays, Dolly Parton and the Vagus nerve!

Dolly Parton has released a Christmas TV film called Mountain Magic Christmas and I am ALL for it. I know it's not cool to admit you like the holidays, but I am Buddy the Elf's level of cheer right now. Just as well because for the last two years Christmas has been thwarted by the pandemic, illness and what nearly happened this year...not being able to visit family because of dog sitter issues, (first world problems or what)! Needless to say, despite a to do list that is giving me whiplash and regular toddler meltdowns to contend with, I'm seriously enjoying the build up to Christmas!

I have the good problem of lots of birthdays in December, its makes it an incredibly expensive time of year and a logistical nightmare, having to try and fathom two presents, but like I said - good problems, you won't hear me complaining about being surrounded by loved ones.

 

This year my darling, funny, beautiful youngest sister Laura turned 30. You might have seen earlier in November my birthday present to her was an all expenses paid trip to the Cotswolds. Laura, being the social butterfly that she is, could only fit me in on a weekend in November so there you go! Finally, her actual special day arrived and the chance to have a family knees up, long overdue. Her lovely fiancée and his super sweet family threw a party in her honour, which we all descended upon with relish, having not had a big get together for a long ole while now. It also happened to be my first late night outing since having the baby, so excited was an understatement! 

Needless to say with both my kids in tow I'd mentally prepared myself for the night being somehow thwarted and although there was a restless baby who refused to sleep and a toddler who projectile vomited across the dance floor - all in all it went well! I got to dance at least twice and sipped a gin and tonic so a success I'd say.

I was incredibly excited about getting 'dolled up,' as I found a second hand purple suit on Vinted and a mint condition Dolly Parton T-shirt that I thought would look rad. Coupled with my £2 charity shopped heels I felt a million dollars (but in reality the entire outfit was less than £30)! 

My beautiful Laura Jane, looking stunning in her sequin dress, I didn't catch where she'd got it from but I was immensely proud of her for re-wearing something already in her wardrobe! 

I'll always count my lucky stars my soul got sent to this family, I love my sister's to the moon and back and am grateful everyday that I've two ready made best friends. Growing up we were chalk and cheese, but now our different interests are one of my favourite things about us. Through them I get to learn about Korean skincare, interior design, marine biology and toddler hacks to name but a few of the many things my sister's are interested in. 

December is also my husband's birthday and whilst I can't elaborate much (he's fiercely private and doesn't want to be made a fuss of on my blog), I am immensely grateful he was born! How about this for kooky. His parents got married on the exact same time, day and year (in Nigeria) as my parents did in the UK, both sets still being very happily together and in love! I could write a whole book about how much I love my hubby but I think a better way of expressing it would be simply this song: 

Things have been tough on the motherhood front of late, my eldest kid is going through a development milestone and whilst she is nothing but amazing, there's been some fraught days as I've frantically tried to keep the peace, work through my to do list, manage the house and do everything else associated with Christmas prep. Having reflected on a few scenarios, where I wasn't the best version of myself when dealing with her tantrums, (can I get a hand raise for the occasional shouty moms), I've concluded that I need to find some time for spiritual development. I know how wanky that sounds, so let me clarify. When your kid is screaming at you, or you are under pressure, (you don't have to be a mom to feel or need this), its really important to be able to self regulate so you can then triage in the moment and problem solve. 

Wearing a thrifted Indian skirt, necklace from Ghana, waistcoat from Vinted and polo neck a gift! 

So say for instance my kid is kicking off about her cup being put in the wrong place, (true story), what could inevitably happen is her whining starts to wind me up, I get frustrated and then shout which, makes her more upset and we lose an opportunity for connection. A better route would be for me to self regulate, so I prevent her noise from triggering me. To do this I could take deep breaths, stretch my hands above my head, press my feet into the earth to ground myself or if its safe, leave the room for a minute. Once I have calmed myself down, I'm in a good position to be able to problem solve, maybe she's ill/tired/needs a snack. 90% of the time her meltdowns are explainable and can be easily remedied by some problem solving. The trick is not letting my triggers (whining is annoying for me because I got shut down as a child about being 'sensitive,' or 'too much.') overpower my rational mind. 

I've had to acknowledge recently that I have such extortionately high expectations of myself and the kind of mother I should be, having being told frequently that I'm too hard on myself. A good friend (hi Kat) reminded me recently, that my daughters' don't need to see a coat hanger grin from somebody trying desperately to be perfect, if I do that I might make it seem wrong to have off days, its normal to not be ok or lose our shit sometimes! So I'm cutting myself some slack. That being said, I think the challenging moments are veiled opportunities for growth and what I've learnt about the last week is that I need to carve some time out for meditation, so I have opportunities for grounding and calm. 

The more stressed I feel the more 70's aesthetic I seem to crave. Wearing a vintage 70's waistcoat and shirt, and £3 French connection jeans from a Cancer Research UK charity shop. 

When I'm grounded I parent better, I'm a better partner and I think a better person operating in the world. So I'm going to start by looking after my vagus nerve, or to quote Naomi Annand from 'Yoga for motherhood,' 

Directly linked to the parasympathetic nervous system, the vagus nerve is the powerhouse of equanimity and interior understanding and rebalancing, a network-matrix-highway that enlightens our inner landscape. It's the 10th cranial nerve and supports feelings of wellbeing by strengthening the immune response, digestion and heart rate. Just as you exercise muscles to keep them toned and strong, stimulating the vagus nerve improves your vagal tone, which builds resilience in your whole system.' 

Now with that being said I've managed to get both girls napping so I'm off to have a cup of tea and put my feet up! 

Merry Christmas you lovely creatures you! 

Love Soph 

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