Some weeks are sent to test us and I guess this was one of those weeks!
It's very tempting to only use this blog as a highlight reel, especially because 90% of the time I am a glass half full kind of person. The whole reason I shunned Instagram recently, is my fatigue for the online veneer of 'happy, shiny people.' I don't want to perpetuate that narrative, so here I am, towing the midline, somewhere between feeling grateful for my lot and wore out from the rhythm of life.
*please note I'm very aware I'm a privileged, white woman with what can only be described as first world problems. Take me with a pinch of salt!
I commenced my first week back in paid employment working in mental health after 10 months mat leave - boy what a week it's been! It was lovely to catch up with my colleagues, (I'm convinced I work with the best people on the planet), but what you didn't see behind the scenes is both my girls, (a 2 year old and a 10 month old), deciding this is the week, to make bedtime a war zone, screaming from 6pm until 10pm every night (toddler) and again at 3am and 4am (baby). Sleep is for the weak so it seems. As if that wasn't enough, said toddler, got rushed to A&E having had a fibril convulsion, she's absolutely fine now, but we didn't leave the hospital until after 1am.
IT. HAS. BEEN. A. LOT.
I'm rarely a curmudgeon for long and what with the glorious four day weekend filled with sunshine I've been roused back to the land of the living! Nobody talks enough about the mental load of being a mom in 2023. The mounting to-do list at home jostling alongside commitments at work and feeling like you're overwhelmed and failing everyone. It's really hard. So if this is resonating with you and you're thinking 'that's me,' then I'll say this... Focus on what you can control, you can control picking up the phone and talking to a friend, who'll get how you're feeling. You can listen to Dolly Parton at full volume, watch feel good TV and go to bed early. You can't control that you're house is going to look like a crap heap whilst you adjust to a new schedule, you can't control that its going to take a while to get back into the swing of things at work, (but don't worry you'll get your flow back), you're also not going to be able to be a Blue Peter presenter for your kids, but you can have some quality time with them that'll top you up until the weekend, when you can spend longer together.
You can also read lovely poetry that'll make you feel better, like this:
Giraffe
When you feel better from this - and you will - it will be quiet and
unremarkable like walking into the next room. It might sting a little, like
warmth leaking into cold numbed hands. When you feel better, it will
be the slow clearing of static from the radio. It will be a film set when
the director yells cut! When you feel better, you will take: a plastic spoon
for your coffee foam, free chocolate from the gleaming oak reception desk,
the bus on sunny days, your own sweet time. When you feel better,
it will be like walking barefoot on cool, smooth planks of wood, still
damp from last night's rain. It will be the holy silence when the tap stops
dripping. The moment a map finally starts to make sense. When you feel
better, you will still suffer, but your sadness will be graspable, roadworthy
have handlebars. When you feel better, you will not always be happy,
but when happiness does come, it will be long-legged, sun-dappled:
a giraffe.
By Bethany Littlefair
Poetry and Dolly Parton playlists aside, wearing my usual hippie garb has helped me stay cheerful this week, here's a round up of my latest outfits!
For my first day back at work I opted for this new to me unbranded dress from off Vinted. I bought it for around £11 and teamed it with this charity shopped New Look belt and my beloved Moroccan jewellery. I had some lovely compliments wearing it and felt very 'me' going back to the corporate world!
Day 2 and I wore my favourite All about Audrey dress I treated myself to last year. As my hair is getting pretty greasy these days thanks to shifting hormones, I bunged it up into this huge bun and added a scarf. I LOVED this outfit as I was comfy but also felt super hippie dippie.
Day 3 I wore my go to second hand unbranded dress and my vintage waistcoat. Its a good job I was comfy as this was the day I ended up having to rush to the hospital and didn't take this outfit off until after 1am!
On Saturday I went to a BBQ hosted at my very pregnant sister's house. Whilst I LOVE my recycled vintage skirt I hadn't worn it since being pregnant myself and unfortunately I've stretched out the waistband! Probably not a skirt I'll be able to wear this way as it just kept coming down. I reckon if I wear it as a dress and tie a shirt over it, it'll live to see another day! The chunky boots are a treat I bought myself for going back to work, (brand new on Vinted for £15). They are awesome but waaaay too hot for this weather so I ended up changing into sandals.
Here's the outfit in the wild! I had a lovely time with my niece and daughters playing alongside Nanny!
A sure fire way to get my head screwed back on properly is doing my daily fitness. I'm not me unless I've done some kind of movement. Some days this takes the form of weight training, other days it's slow yoga. I do 30 minutes a day, usually 5/6 days a week in the morning (otherwise I just don't get round to doing it). I pick a YouTube video and that's pretty much it otherwise a quick run with the dog. Exercising 5 or 6 days a week might seem excessive, but the NHS recommends 30 minutes every day so I'm actually behind the recommended amount! 30 minutes can feel like a lot when you're squeezed for time, but I set my alarm clock early so I can fit it in, (5am most days), as I'm a better mom, partner and a better me when I've had that self care time.
Well that's all for this weeks roundup. Be gentle with yourselves love bugs, the world can feel a bit chaotic at times, but take a deep breath, you got this!
Love Soph x
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